Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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