The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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