My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
