i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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