they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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