What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
