Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
