Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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