my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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