If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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