There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
