if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
