im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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