meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
