I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
