That's intense
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
