She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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