Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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