genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
