So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
