I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
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I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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