even my farts smell like vagina
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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