i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
