Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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