1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
