Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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