I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
