is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
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there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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