OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she peed on how many people?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
