nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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