If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
