NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
