It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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