what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
barbara walters just said penis...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
