It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
