Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
