so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
