those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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