so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
