No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
