So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
