No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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