What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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