So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
