remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT