The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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