Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party