so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Come see our sink grown plant.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
