she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.