Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.