1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Randomize
