Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
