We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
