The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
jump out the window naked night went bad
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