my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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