If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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