ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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