Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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