we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tornado booty call.. dedication
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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