becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pants are for mortals
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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