I showed him my bush... on skype.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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