shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
