I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
only if we run a train.
done.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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