Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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