You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
