bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
