I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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